Not All Who Look, See

Life is unfamiliar and at times like trying to look through black clouds in a thunderstorm. I realize life is forever changing. It is messy and difficult, but it is no less beautiful and full of good things. When we stop fighting the storm and anticipating the rainbow after, everything changes. Perspective is everything.

Hearing Myself Think

Life is so...still. This is the time of waiting. The growing in the hurt. The listening in the silence. It is in the calm, the quiet, the bottom of the well of tears that I hear you. you whisper my name in the most gentle of ways. And I know. God, you never left. You never changed. You are there and you will pick me up and put a new song in my heart. You are good. And your love endures forever.

Whispers

I hear her. A tiny, hesitant whisper of who I used to be. She stayed hidden for far too long. And it is time. It is time to stare fear down and find my place once again. My place of peace and purpose. I miss the days with my youth group kids where my heart felt on fire. Where the very idea of them watching my every move kept me on my toes. I want to get back to that place where God felt as close as my next breath. I will get there.

Inner Piece

Life is... ongoing. Which is good. It is frustrating right now and full of wondering instead of the childlike wonder it used to hold. I seemed to have lost the old me who skipped down halls and sung to the moon every evening while swimming lazy laps in the pool. The jeans and dresses got traded for sensible work pants and by sensible I mean boring. I miss the person I used to be who was confident and fun and fearless. When did I become so fearful? I don't want to be fearful. Life is a balancing act at the moment when I want to be carefree on the trapeze bars. Can I find the whisper of who I used to be. I want to. I miss that girl. She was so strong and fiercely sure of her future. She loved easily and wasn't afraid to be herself. She is hiding deep inside, but I am tired of hiding. No more hiding.

27 Pearls

Where did the time go? How did 27 years of my life happen so quickly? I thought by 27 I would be settled, on my way to PTA meetings and shopping for matching shoes and slacks. I thought I would be a stay at home mom with a cute business on the side. How did life become another period of starting over? Simple. Life happens. It is unpredictable and messy and unapologetic. It is also beautiful and precious and fleeting. So grab it and hold it close. Hold the business loosely and the babies tightly. Don't let the passion in your heart die or the light in your eyes dim. Don't forget to see people and not just look at them. Listen to the stories the older generation have to tell because one day you will wish for your own story to be remembered. It is okay for life to be hard and uncomfortable and testy. It keeps the fiery spark in us all burning fiercely.

Tiptoe softly

Life is...not how I expected. It is strange starting over. It is terrifying in some ways, especially when you have a little human to care for. The past two years have been full of equal hurt and strength. Now is the time for healing. This year will be beautiful. Not because it will be easy or free of hurt, but because I choose happiness. I choose healing. I choose a better year to begin a better life. I will remember and find the full of life person I used to be this year. She never disappeared,  she was only hiding. No more hiding.